Who ever said life was fair...

The computer screen stares blankly back at me
mocking me, egging me on
"Come on Rachel...what? Are you too afraid to talk about it?"
"Are you scared? What the hell is your problem?"
The voices of everyone and no one constantly nagging me
Please just let me go...Please...

But I digress...



I feel like I'm back to that time
to that place
"Rachel, we have to let him go...he wouldn't have wanted this"
my best friend...
gone forever...
grandpa...

And now, my love, my heart
my life
so sick...in so much pain
every day and every night, his pain is mine
Why not me? Why not me? Me...healthy
I want to suffer your pain...so you can live
You can live a better life than I ever will
but you can't...but you're strong enough
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE!!!!
I only wish I could be as strong as you one day

Don't say to me you won't be okay
and I tell you that you will...but will you?
Am I lying to you? I never wanted to lie to you...
Because no one has and ever will love me as much as you do...
You're all I've got...please...stay strong for me...please

I crumble...melt away...bleed
you're pain is mine...I feel it all too...
I want all of you're pain
I want to make it mine
Now. Right Now.
Put it all on me...and please live your life for us
You deserve it all

Will we ever be free?
I'm so alone
You're alone too
Was this everything we've always wanted?
Was this everything that I've ever dreamed of?
But we have each other...and for now, maybe that's enough...

What is magic?

As I sit in my room, trying to write a letter, I think to myself
What is magic?
Is it that stuff you read in books? Is it similar to the fairy tales one hears in their youth?
Does it comprise of pixie dust and thinking wonderful thoughts?

Maybe magic consists of the little things...

Reading on the couch by the fire in a cozy blanket
Roasting marshmallows on your stove with your best friends
Looking at the sun setting lower and lower into the ocean
Realizing the beauty in the world

Opening the door for someone walking behind you
Donating money towards building schools in India
Picking flowers for your neighbor whose grandma just passed
Caring for others and not just for yourself

Holding hands with the one you love
Sharing a comfortable silence with someone you cherish
Being held in the secure hold of someone's arms
The love you share with someone else

Realizing that here is exactly where you want to be
Realizing that selflessness is the best feeling in the world
Realizing that a heart can hold this much love for another person
Magic is realizing the beauty of your dreams